Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Family Stew

I have to say. No matter how ridiculous and crazy my family is, I love them. Rather I love the ridiculous things that happen in my family on a day to day basis equating my love for them.

My family here in New Mexico consists of four very different, yet very similar, individuals who all hate one another but are brought together through family ties. Enter my mother, a divorcee who's life has been filled with trial after tribulation, but she has come out rather sane despite the severity of everything she has faced. Followed by my aunt, a slightly neurotic and bipolar (but still lovable) high school teacher who has essentially lived in her parents house her entire life (shes now going on 37). Next are my grandparents, two wonderful people whom without, my mother and I would be absolutely nowhere, but who hate us all (including each other) despite their never ending love that they dish out daily with phone calls (when in New England) and worldly advice.

Put all of us under one roof, add a dash of salt, and you have family stew. A wonderful, and yet terrifying, (and stressful on the taste buds) dish that could fill your stomach for ten years. Each day that you swallow a spoonful of this family stew, your mouth is presented with a different and exciting flavor.

Take today for example. A rather slow day given the fact that it was a Monday, and so things called for a dash of paprika and chile to add a little zest to the soup.

The day began with my aunt (as previously mentioned a high school teacher) showing me the film Heathers, a pre-Columbine high school movie filled with teen angst and black humor leading to murders and suicides. She spent the entirety of the film cackling her head off (funny given that shes a high school teacher and has been teaching since the year of the Columbine shootings).

Later in the evening, while watching yet another movie (Under the Tuscan Sun, a personal favorite of mine), my aunt caught my mother smoking a cigarette. Now in her defense my mother thought that if my aunt was watching a movie with me, the coast would be clear for her to light up in the back yard. However, that was a stupid move on her part as my aunt loves to keep tabs on my mothers activities throughout the day in order to report every move she makes to my grandparents (don't you just love sibling rivalry?).

So in an attempt to make herself seem more innocent, my mother claimed that she had stolen one of my cigarettes from my purse. So not only had she been caught in the act of something this entire family finds to be the dumbest thing one can do (smoking) she then incriminated me by saying she was smoking my cigarette. (thanks mom haha)

My aunt, who has to deal with the games that teenagers play everyday, has learned how to play said games quite well. She came inside and immediately plopped on the couch next to me and demanded that we cook candy tomorrow (secretly I think shes trying to make me regain all the weight I lost this year in order to be thinner than me again). My mother then followed her into the family room and mouthed something that I couldn't make out behind my aunts back. When I couldn't figure out what she was trying to say she turned to my aunt and asked, "So are you going to tattle on me?" (fifth grade much?) My aunt turns to me, gives me a funny look and says, "I caught her smoking a cigarette."

I look from my aunt to my mother, and back to my aunt and I couldn't help but burst out laughing. The whole time I'd had a headphone in one of my ears, and the fact that I wasn't taking what my aunt said seriously (because I know my mother has been smoking because I smoke with her all the time haha), but the fact that she caught my mom in the act and their reactions is just hilarious to me. She looks at me wide eyed and declares I must be listening to porn (oh yes)

Clearly baffled by my response to the situation, my aunt turns to my mother and just glares at her, so my mother repeats her question. My aunt looks down at her cookbook and mutters that my mother is trying to cause a fight. My mother (bless her heart for opening the door to this amazing response on my part) misunderstood what my aunt muttered and heard "she's tightly wound up." Confused she repeated what she thought she heard, and when my aunt didn't respond I took up her cue and stated, "Yes mother. You're a frigid ice queen in need of a good humping." Receiving the response "You slut!" from my mom.

My aunt looked up from her cookbook, her mouth hanging as open as a barn door on a hot summer day, utterly speechless at what the two of us had just said. She had the whole dear-in-headlights look on her face, and my mother and I nearly fell off our seats we were laughing so hard.

God bless paprika and chile to add a little extra spice into your homely family stew.

1 comment:

chandra said...

I'm so thankful I found you!Truly impressive stuff!
Romantic letters